Being There

Last coherent conversation with my Father

I never lived in this apartment, apart from one month in 2015 where I came back to Ireland with the intention of trying to get to know him again and to remind myself of who he was and where I came from.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin, My father had fallen about 6 months previously and damaged some bones. He was checked on by a friend who determined quite rightly, that he was in trouble. Between my Sister and my oldest brother, John, and their friends that were still living in Ireland, helped get him situated in a new place.
In the meantime, he had been hospitalized and then sent to ‘Our Lady’s Manor’ which is a care home administered by an order of nuns. This is literally moments after I saw him for the first time in 3 years. I was gutted when I saw him, so physically diminished, yet bright and coherent despite the crumbling infrastructure.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. My oldest brother, John, dealing with immediate arrangements for Dad, a Taxi, and his job back in the UK.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Waiting by the elevator at Our lady’s Manor care home. My thoughts during this time were to apply the same psychology through my camera that would help determine the best images to get in the moment. As I was looking at my father, I could see his demeanour, indicating that he wasn’t really sure about what was going on in that moment. The following image carries on this psychology and is manifested on my brother, as he amply reflects my own thoughts in that moment.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Waiting by the elevator at Our lady’s Manor care home. My thoughts during this time were to apply the same psychology through my camera that would help determine the best images to get in the moment. As I was looking at my father, my brother, John, came to my focus attention. This is hard for all of us.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. In the tiny elevator at Our lady’s Manor care home.
It became clear that it was very difficult for me to figure out which emotion was calling me the most. I made the picture to solidify the moment.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

I remember my dad talking about a film that he said was profound; “Being There” with Peter Sellers. The sentiment of this film is reflected in these images.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. This is my brother, John, saying goodbye for now to our dad. Me giving him that hug, would look just the same as this, and it would be the following day. The last time I would talk with him.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. A view, one that I’d seen many times before, but from another point.
My father spilt most of his life into this area, everyone knew him, he was a hand, act or part in this area for 88 years.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

I remember my dad talking about a film that he said was profound; “Being There” with Peter Sellers. The sentiment of this film is reflected in these images.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

I have vague memories of being a child holding his big warm hand, and he would turn back to me like this, and say something.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. I literally got off the plane got in a taxi and came straight out to see him at the Manor. The trip back to my friend’s house where I was staying, was a real-time tableaux of images from the window of the train, segments of my past life in Ireland, chunks of memory, good and bad times, little vignettes of thought and memory synchronized and dispatched with the rhythm of the tracks.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. A view, one that I’d seen many times before, but from another point.
My father spilt most of his life into this area, everyone knew him, he was a hand, act or part in this area for 88 years.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

Dublin,. A view, one that I’d seen many times before, but from another point.
My father spilt most of his life into this area, everyone knew him, he was a hand, act or part in this area for 88 years.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

I remember once my dad talking about a film that he said was profound; “Being There” with Peter Sellers. The sentiment of this film is reflected in these images.

Last coherent conversation with my Father

The last look.
I had a deadline, my part in a charade. I got one day with my father.
The window frame tells me that I have no control, I include it in the frame, to convey a sense of constraint. Other things going on outside the window, are reinforcements on this concept.

Dublin

Marriage Equality Dublin, Ireland

May 22, sees the first referendum for marriage equality in Ireland. While most of the positivity towards it shows in the main cities of Cork and Dublin, opinion is divided in the regional cities and towns.

Family roots

My Aunt Eileen and my father discuss family roots. Skerries north Co. Dublin, Ireland.

Family roots.

My Aunt Eileen and my father discuss family roots. Skerries north Co. Dublin, Ireland.

Family Roots.

My Aunt Eileen and my father discuss family roots. Skerries north Co. Dublin, Ireland.

Family roots.

My Aunt Eileen and my father discuss family roots. Skerries north Co. Dublin, Ireland.

Intercity views, north Co. Dublin

North Co. Dublin from the Dublin to Dundalk train.

Generation Gap.

Generation gaps prevail, Dublin City, Ireland. While Ireland awakens from stern austerity measures put in place by preceding governments the generation gaps appear as many of the immigrants from ireland came back in the mid 2000’s left again during the economic downturn, the economic migrants, many from former eastern bloc states the up the slack.

Cafe Doggy

The dog is part of the family.

Cafe Doggy

Im having a Latte, what would you like?

Yellow man

Retake on an old classic.

The Gull Boy

“They come down from the Pheno” Referring to the Phoenix Park, at one stage Europe’s largest city park. Seagulls plane on the strong winds which funnel up the river Liffey. Dan Kavanagh stands on the Millennium Footbridge linking Temple Bar to Ormond Quay, commanding a flock of majestic gulls, with chunks of biscuit, like a scene from Irish mythology.

The Gull Boy

“They come down from the Pheno” Referring to the Phoenix Park, at one stage Europe’s largest city park. Seagulls plane on the strong winds which funnel up the river Liffey. Dan Kavanagh stands on the Millennium Footbridge linking Temple Bar to Ormond Quay, commanding a flock of majestic gulls, with chunks of biscuit, like a scene from Irish mythology.

To each their own.

To each their own..

Wha..?

Wha…?

Ireland

Henry Street, Dublin, Ireland

Got it at Guineys!

Guiney’s Dublin’s favorite everything store.

After School fun at blackrock baths. Dublin Ireland.

After School fun at blackrock baths. Dublin Ireland.

After School fun at blackrock baths. Dublin Ireland.

After School fun at blackrock baths. Dublin Ireland.

Old town Dún Laoghaire.

Old town Dún Laoghaire.

Old town Dún Laoghaire.

Old town Dún Laoghaire.

Bauler

Takin’ the Bauler for a walk. Old town Dún Laoghaire.

 

I just watched an amazing scene in a movie

and then I wrote an email to a friend of mine.

Here are some pictures.

Afellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

A fellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

Afellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

A fellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

Afellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

A fellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

Afellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

A fellow traveler in Varanasi. Her journey was similar to mine. Self reparation.

Amazing Environmental Audio from Maha Kumbh Mela

I’ve been back from India just over a year now, back living in the US and in that time its been a real struggle, both on a personal level and financially.
Looking back on that time, a half-year spent in India, thinking about it and thinking about how much I miss it, and yearn for the Utopian chaos to run through my veins once more.
I have edited my photography over and over trying to extract the essence of the experience. However the personal journey that India was to me, has obscured my objectivity, something that only time can distill.
I have started once again on the editing process, going back over the audio recordings I made, and in doing so, had an epiphany about the work. I realize that I have no choice but to go back to India, and capture more audio, this time with an expanded kit. And to dedicate much more time and effort into making quality environmental recordings.
Audio recordings offer a taste of reality that video and photography simply cannot touch. Where video has to be constructed to make a compelling presentation, and photography provides specificity, and depth, that depth is within just that contextual intimacy.
Audio offers a living reality of time based exploration. Audio treats the consciousness to a wide layered mental vision, one that the mind is intrinsically connected to, there is no learning to listen, whereas there is learning to read photographs.

This Location Sound during the Anup Jalota concert at Pilot Baba’s Ashram camp 2013 Maha Kumbh Mela, Sangam Allahabad, Uttar Pradesh India. I had decided to walk around the sector 9 area where the ashram was located, about 7 miles from the actual main bathing area.
You can hear all of the local sounds, and the far distant sounds of the millions (130,000,000 to be more accurate) of pilgrims who existed at the ‘city’. Headphones highly recommended. Sit back and enjoy the Mela as I did for thirteen minutes.

Treasure

Today I had an overwhelming emotional response to a piece of music a band called Foals and the track is called Black Gold.

Its rare, I can distinctly remember them through my life;

Swans ‘Blind’, Radiohead’s ‘Staircase’, PJ Harvey ‘We Float’, 120 Days ‘I’ve lost my vision’, Voyager One ‘Wires’, Pearl Jam ‘Indifference’, Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush ‘Don’t Give Up’, Surgeon ‘At the Heart of it All’, Aiden O’Rourke ‘Bah Hamburg’, Air Liquide ‘Synsonic’, Miles Davis+Bill Laswell ‘He loved him Madly’, Anathema ‘Sleepless’, Skidoo 23 ‘Helicopterz’, Bark Psychosis ‘400 Winters’, Godflesh ‘Defiled’, Bailter Space ‘Dark Blue’, Bill Callahan ‘All thoughts are Prey to Some Beast’, Massive Attack ‘Live with Me’, Bowery Electric ‘Freedom Fighter’, Laika ‘If you miss’, Faith no More ‘Midlife Crisis’, Bruce Springsteen ‘State Trooper’ & ‘New York City Serenade’, Neil Young ‘Down by the River’, Can ‘Future Days’, Chemical Brothers ‘The Test’, David Byrne & Eno ‘Strange Overtones’, Fugazi ‘Nice New Outfit’, Gustavo Lamas ‘Profundo’.. and there are probably some more that I cant remember and are not doing justice to.

These arent songs I love and just put in here because they are amazing tracks, these are tracks that contain something for me that is beyond conversational statement and require deeper contemplation. Most of them have been revelatory, or a sense of empowerment or an awakening, though some have been closure and some represent safety and comfort or triggered a positive memory. 

2013 09 04 In the Back where the light of the fading day reflects off the wall.

Its a phenomena to hear the daily rumination’s of your neighbor showering, slurping milk in his cereal bowl, listening to the radio, masturbating, showering and general other private life sounds, and yet never actually really seeing them because of a wooden fence that separates you from him. Im pretty sure he cant hear me because the sound from his side is funneled in through a small space filtered by a Mosquito grille and a cat.

I have a lot of uncertainty now, and yet I know somewhere in there I will miss these days. Perhaps this is a time of resettlement and reassurance from a relationship that I now find myself in.
I also find myself in the eye of the storm. Im doing things now that are prime and ahead of the curve. Yet Im filled with doubt and procrastination is the crutch Im leaning on. Im trying to do a lot maybe too much, but if I dont Ill feel as though Im not doing enough, like I feel that anyway regardless of the capacity Im at.

Who knows. Just remember the important things.

2013 07 29 Where

I dont know how to do lots of things. There has always been heavy doubt in me. Its been my defining role in life. “I just dont know.”
Since returning from India, the act of leaving, going away and doing something –anything– the dont know seems less prevalent then it once was. Manifesting what I want seems a nudge easier then it was, but I still dont exactly know what I’m doing, and there is something in me that says now, that something will work out. Thats never before, been the light at the end of the tunnel for me. Theres always been this horrible sense of doubt and disbelief, where it comes from I cant exactly say, probably somewhere in my upbringing and whatever negative experiences that I accrued along the way and never learned from.