Life takes strange turns. At one time you might judge someone for something they did which in your view of the world at that particular moment in time is against your values and beliefs and then the world turns around you and something out of your control switches and you dont even know about it, and then you see the same thing done again but you dont see it negatively because you cant either see it in the same way or because its obscured by a new set of values.
In an odd anomalous turn of events something I did seems to have set in motion a train of events which have fulfilled me beyond my dreams and yet polarized and demonized one other, and alienated another whom I didn’t really know but is directly effected partially by my actions. I didn’t prevent myself from doing something and thus I have effected the life of another.

Im sorry that this has occurred but I cannot be sorry for doing it because it was intentional. Time will give me a lead in which I can formulate my thoughts. I am sorry that one of these affected people took the damage on board. I am sorry for that person.


Right now Im figuring out how to get a lot done without actually very much. Which is probably something to do with just turning 40 recently.
Anyway, Im seeing that I actually barter with myself in order to generate incentives for myself to make myself do something. Its interesting to see the machinations of ones self from the perspective of ones self, it has a tendency to reassure ones self.

I have to figure out how to make this functional for my self.

this picture is amply disdainful of details but is verdant in psychology