I don’t really show the pictures of the people that interest me the most because I don’t think I have the narrative to back it up in its own right yet, and flickr isn’t the forum for that work either, I’ve kind of dug myself into a hole there withe whole street and what I defined as the kind of street I wanted in Seattle Street and which has generally become accepted as an acceptable version of that decisive, contemplative, gag, style, which doesn’t really rely on any level of intellectual insight to understand or appreciate, the pictures of the people I am really drawn to are highly reliant on my audience being open to seeing something that they normally don’t even register and having their attention drawn to it, ..and so it’s been my belief that my Audience is infact not American at all.
See Street photography has become about shooting the oddities and the highlights of the everyday or at least that’s the premise; using the “everyday” as an excuse to make pictures of things that stand out of that “everyday” entity which really doesn’t mean what it is in that context anymore. Look at the London Street Photography festival as it stands now, at 3 years old, and all of the pictures have a basic sameness to them and a sensationalism to them which irritates me now.
Seattle street in a similar way has now got a formula too, which is fine, it’s human nature and ultimately it’s ‘caretakered’ itself, and its my baby but I feel like I have other avenues to grow.
Im looking forward to having less stuff, to being able to think singularly and having the space to move around within myself or atleast the ability to simplify my mind and my hangups about the amount of things I have that now spent more time preventing me from doing the things that I want to be doing then thinking about all the things I cant do because I have all these worldly possessions which have begun to have this psychological effect of holding me down like a large bag of rain in a storm. Who cares whether or not its true, for me it is, and so I am washing away the last ten years of my life in the belief that accumulation and stagnation were a comforting fortress of security and the feeling of being able to own these things in the first place is quite a nice feeling and a sense of achievement. I think Im coming up on some kind of personal enlightenment. Am I gong on about this too much? Perhaps I am, sorry, but its a convincing filter which I have to speak out like an exhalation.
Strangers in the light, point me in a direction, any direction, and tell me something, Ill be that decision, changes are afoot, I can only see things a one at a time but eventually Ill get it all down.
There are things happening around me, things I have allowed myself to believe I can’t control, though they are not necessarily causing me any undue panic. Things I know I should be taking care of but I am not because I feel deep down in my gut, that they are not entirely all that important on the grand scheme of things. Things like my citizenship, I should have taken care if that at at the end of last year, but I didn’t and the same rationale then as. Ow is in my head for not doing it then as now; ultimately, I want a reason to come back to the US; I want to come back to the certainty of a job and a place to live because I ultimately believe that I haven’t saved enough money to do exactly all the things I am discovering that I want to be doing, like more traveling. A lot more traveling, and I want to be engaged in photography on a more international level whether that be self funded or otherwise. Work or pleasure, but definitely socially aware.
I think the last ten years of living has been a party for me, coasting along in comfort mode satisfied with the knowledge that I actually jumped off the side of the earth and survived, and in fact flourished. Complacency was a gift to myself in reward for actually achieving. But that’s a whole other story.
Certain things are running out, household things, supplies, what were once necessities. To quote Derek Jarman as he was degenerating from aids, he caught himself window shopping for shoes, and realized that he didn’t have much time left, his words were “aren’t these shoes good enough to walk me out of life?” In the same way I feel that there are things that I generally do to make the ship that is my life, run smoothly and so, I periodically replenish necessities. However, now I’m finding that I’m letting things go, change is coming, and I want it to be a shedding and a purge also. Saturns return. 40 is the big one, and I’m feeling good about it, time for change, time to loosen the grip on the fear and insecurity that youth brings.