Changes

Well its the season for changes. Yesterday we had the State of the Union address and for anyone who doesnt know what that is, its basically the president telling us everything we already know, and gets a standing ovation for it. Now that Mr Bush is on the backfoot it will be very interesting to see how many ovations he gets…

Anyway, like I said, changes. Changes for me also. I recntly had an upgrade.
So, come the end of the year I ‘put it out there’ that Id like to be getting some kind of monitary increase for my year of efforts in the workplace, and so, that came to pass as something of a, lets say, wet fart. Needless to say, I got wind of a possible opening elsewhere and dove straight in for the kill on it. Probably the first time in my life where I have so done. I recieved a call from the company and arranged an interview “we would like to see you for an interview if thats possible?”, “absolutely. Tomorrow morning first thing?”, I wanted the job and with that kind of response I assume they knew it.
With the rest of my current working day ahead, I mentioned it to one of my coworkers, who with a puzzled look on his face shook his head and not quite said; oh shift, if you leave were flucked.. Being who I am and where Im from, when things like that are said, it usually means the boss gets angy and threatens your job or just kicks you out the door, and with that mindset I thought ok well Im done here, so this interview better fucking fly.
The interview came and went and went extremely well, I liked the people and the ethos “ok this is exploritory -we will let you know it a week”. They knew my boss well and that made me feel a little uneasy, for reasons I wont go into now. Two days went by and my boss came to me and said to me “rumour has it that you arent happy with the raise”, ‘-eh…no. Im not.’ So I got an breakdown of how he came to that conclusion and how the company is a small one etc etc, then I told him Id interviewed and they were offering more money, quite a bit more. On top of what my wet fart had been. So he told me that if I were him I would go to them and take up that offer because he couldnt afford that. -NEXT DAY, he comes in and says, “ok you get more autonomy, you get the same money as the offer and the same benefits, and you get the same time off, I still cant afford it but if you leave now we face the possibility of losing on other fronts.” Wow. Nice to feel a little appreciated, also makes me think, do I have to be pushy for upgrades here in the US?
I still havent heard from the place I interviewed in, two weeks ago.

I

Y’know I love comments on my blog.. thats what creates that special twinkle in my eye. Just so that you know.

I have to thank Chuckycheese from weareOKOK.com for giving me the Clark cd, Im a little slow on the pick up of new music -especially other peoples music, Ive always been snobbish like that. I believe that In infallable and that my choice in music is indestructable (I like avantgarde and experimental music, dub, and electronic etc).
I usesd to be the king of finding out the new shit and having it two or three years ahead of everyone else, and I still do to a point except that Ive gone way off down a path of sound that no one else is interested in what I like to bug out to. Plus the fact that NPR doesnt really play music, and I dont have the same kind of access to BBC Radio 4 like I once did and KEXP -though a youth oriented station is utterly fucking shite; commercial radio for a different kind of commerciality.
So with that, all I have left is podcasts and I dont even get the chance to hear those anymore, because Im ebedded in my books and my tech manuals, and writing in forums about how much I hate new digital cameras, or Im developing rolls of film, drinking with friends, shooting with other friends, fighting with my wife who hates me, teching people things, browsing porn on the web, or looking for a new place to live…

Big Changes ahead

Tomorrow -well actually later today- is a big day for me.

I had my very first, in fifteen years of shooting professionally, re-shoot. Man, it pissed me off no end I can tell you. Fifteen years of unsullied work, high quality image making is killing me. I have recently gone from shooting digital back to shooting film because I started to mistrust the digital concept as a whole. Now after the re-shoot, I am on the verge of completely detesting digital as well.
Its gone from novelty to scurge. The fact that 90% of my clients now dictate what they want the image to “be” before I have even taken my camera out of the bag, I find to be extremely bad circumstance for the work I am about to take on. Pressure from the outset equals distrust, mistakes and most of all unprofessionality. Having told one client that I shoot only film they were immediately in a more relaxed stance, “I shoot the film, give it to the lab, they process it and then we go through the contacts together, you tell me which prints you want I get them done and you pay me the money”. And thats that, end of story. Job done on to the next one. The old ways meant that the crativity was left to the photographer and the machinations left to the labs. There are some jobs Im telling the clients I shoot film, then Ill shoot it digitally, create a disk and send that to the lab and have them produce a couple of nice C-prints from my digital files, at the end of the day they get proper prints even though it took a ‘white lie’ to get to that point.
Needless to say, that right now, Im faced with a choice, of whether or not to take on a new fulltime job and drop my freelance photography work altogether (well for a while anyway), just so that I can get some kind of financial stability and get my feet on the ground.

Ive been here in the US for two years now, and in that time have gone through the gamut of financial ups and downs, the banks here are appaling, over draft charges were absolutely killing me up until about six months ago. No credit company out there wants to have anything to do with me right now, so i cant use a credit check as a security check making moving into a new place extremely difficult, I cant finance a cheap used car, and everything that I need or want means that I have to save my pennies, which undoutedly get swallowed up in the next cellphone or utilities bills.
So yes, the option of having a fulltime job takes on a new meaning, and is looking extremely attractive right at this very moment of my life.

I hate Breakups

I think the last few months of my life have been both the most humiliating and yet the most liberating times of my life. Im not one for dramatics, and change really does scare me, and the two were leveled on in spades. however within that, strangely enough, within the chaos of it all, I feel a remote sence of maturity and growth as a person. I know that sounds terribly pompous, and maybe it is, but within that I really believe that something good has come from being squeezed like a grape.

Its unfortunate that the breakup had to be so badly managed, both by me and my other half. She is aware of her emotions and relied on them for these times, and thats the way she needed to function, and for me, if she hadnt have broken us up I probably would have stuck my head in the sand just a bit longer and then eventually done the same thing. I knew it was a bad trip, but whilst your in the car, you just want to keep going…

At the end of the day, its been an emotional minfield for me, she thinks I have no emotions -or atleast I have no emotions that she can empathize with because she recons Im too sensitive and too emotional and than I have no emotions etc.. Truth is, Im probably just like any other male, I get angry and stuff that emotion somewhere where I can hide it, and then I get frustrated, cynical and depressed, generally in that order. The worst part of it is that we are still in the same house, and the same space, and she is extremely hurtful in so many ways. Everyday there is something new to dump out that we shared.

I am looking for a new place to live, but am really nervous about it because I found it reasonably tough to survive in this place which was cheap, now Ive to move all my shift and find something with an infantecimal level of dignity for similar rent which is reasonably close to work. She moves accrross the street because she knows someone who knows someone who is leaving her a nice cheap place in the same block. THAT alone angers me.

Workin it too hard…

So I started getting sticky shutters on my Cosina Voigtlander Bessa R3a the other day. Lost ten possible shots, scared the shift outta me, and now I find it hard to trust the camera again. So sad because its a great concept having a budget version of the Leica out there for anyone to have and use.
Im at the point now, that I will either send it back to CA to have Gandy ship it to Japan and take five weeks doing so, or just trade it and save for a Leica M something so I can get some kind of a foothold in the Leica game, though I would much prefer to just keep shooting with the Bessa, its cheap and is supposed to do the same job for a fraction of the cost. Anyway id feel like a dweeb with a leica body and CV lenses. Personally Im all about the glass, so Id prefer it the other way around, nice glass cheap body….
Bah!

Ive never

Had a cold like this one. The vridge of my nose feels like someone hit me in the face with a hammer. You only realize when you have a hurty that you use it more then you thought. In winter my Konk is always cold, indoors with dry heating its gets dry and cranky, outdoors cold and obnoxious. So when I touch it, rub it or pick it (sorry), its an ouch! Weird because to actually touch it on the bridge, it really feels like I broke something…
ANYway… So this guy phoned the store where I work the other day asking about a Pentax K-mount 100mm lens for use on his digital SLR. He came in we chatted and checked out some gear and in passing mentioned something about it not being optimal for his street shooting… -hello? You street shoot?
So check him out bongolia.com his names bongo. he reminds me of a modern day Garry Winogrand just because he seems prolific.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
-I was developing five rolls of film at the stroke of midnight. Man I coudlnt give a shift about new years or christmas or any of those other manufactured spending spree occasions -granted I spent a bit on myself this year, only because I was afforded the luxury to actually do so.